And so that was how they were describing my lymph nodes and the spots that they had found in my breasts. And so it makes me emotional still, because I thought, Okay. I am not God. God is bigger than all of this. I cannot get worried. And in fear, I have to trust God on this. And it was then that I decided, to tie back into fasting. I said, You know what, I am going to pray. And I’m going to fast for the next 21 days, because biblically speaking when mountains needed to be moved, that was what people did. And so I fasted, it was kind of like, go bigger or go home, you know. I was like, I’m fasting from TV. I’m fasting from shopping. I’m fasting from food, obviously, other than enough to survive and make it for 21 days. But that was what I had on my heart. And as I did this fast, I went through this book by Stovall Weems learning about and praying about just creating space for God to fill.  And being willing to sacrifice those earthly pleasures and treasures for my relationship with Him. To expand and to come into like a new trust and a new understanding with Him. So I prayed, and I fasted. 

And then I was sent during this time for an MRI with contrast, which is pretty serious, because once you get to that point, that’s kind of where they decide, okay, what are we facing? And what are we going to do about it? And so I went in for an MRI with contrast. And they said it would be about a week before I got my results. And I just continued to fast and pray. And one of my dear, dear friends, was praying for me and with me and over me, and I was even kind of preparing for the worst if you will. But I kept hearing during that time, to stop worrying, and to trust, I just kept hearing God in my spirit telling me to stop fearing and stop worrying. How many times do I tell you in the Bible, do not fear Do not fear. I’ve got this, trust me. And so I kept just finding this supernatural peace. Every time I would start to, like feel that sick feeling of what is this going to be? What is this going to mean? I would feel the supernatural peace. And I just kept sticking with pray, meditate, pray, meditate, trust God, fast. So I just stuck with that. 

A week went by and I didn’t hear anything. And so I called my OBGYN who’s a friend of mine. And I said, Do you have the results? I’m on pins and needles over here. And she said, “Oh, yeah. The MRI was completely clear.” There was nothing at all on it. And I collapsed, literally just crying, praising, I could not believe what I was hearing. And I said, “How is that possible?” I saw all those scans. I saw the thermography scan. I saw the ultrasound scans, ultrasounds don’t lie. You know, some people may or may not believe in thermography. But ultrasounds are very standard of care. And they do not lie. She said, I don’t know. I really don’t know what to tell you. But it was completely clear. There’s nothing and oh, by the way, you only have a 7% chance of breast cancer. And I called my friend Molly who had been praying for me, and I told her and she cried and I cried and she said you know that’s a miracle. You’ve been given a gift of healing. And the enemy’s going to try to tell you that that’s not what it was or it was. It was a false reading on the ultrasound or it was this or it was that But she said, we know what that was. We know that was the Lord. 

To this day, it almost seems surreal. It was mind-blowing that God would show up in that way for me. And I almost don’t have words. It’s, not quite two years ago, this many years later, it’s still surreal to me that it was just, it was over. It was done. The scan was clear, you’re good. And then I went for my annual ultrasound this last summer thinking…Well, I don’t know, I was still doubting, can you believe that in my head, I was thinking, they didn’t have the former scan to compare it to. So I’m probably going to have to go through all this again. And just, you know, like doubting Thomas. And so I went to my ultrasound this year. And then I just kind of let it go. And I said I’m not even going to give this a second thought. I’m just going and I’m gonna move on with my life. And the results were completely clear. There’s nothing there. Nothing that was there the year before. The same company, the same scan. Everything. And it was not one thing that showed up the year before was there. 

That was a moment where I went, I can’t even verbalize how great our God is. It was such a moment of growth in my faith. Because, you know, we hear and we say, Oh, God can do anything, God can move mountains, faith, the size of a mustard seed, you know, and sometimes I think there’s a tendency to think, well, he used to do that. You know, that was that was Biblical stuff. He used to do that in the Bible. But he doesn’t do that now, you know, maybe for other people. But not for me, I’ve had that tendency in the past to have thought that before this happened.

I think I used to also think that my prayer had to be fancy, you know, had to sound a certain way, it had to have the right elements. And I can tell you firsthand, that I bumbled my way through that period. Sometimes it was just please God help me. You know, sometimes it was, please let me stay here for my kids. No, I have three little kids, please don’t take me away from them. Sometimes it was, take my fear, God, please take my fear. That was a lot. Just please take my fear and help me to be present in each moment of each day as it comes. So there was no formula. And the fasting, I didn’t even do that perfectly. I got hungry, a couple of times and I was like, I have got to have a protein shake. I feel like I might just die. But I think it’s about our hearts. I really think it’s about the posture of our hearts. 

I learned in that time that he’s not a formulaic God, you know, where he’s keeping score. Did I say the right words? Did you eat a carrot, the whole thing’s off. I mean, my heart was like God, I’m so willing to give up my comforts, just to know you better. And it was more of, I trust that if I take a step back from these things I’m relying on you to provide me comfort. And I try my very hardest to just rely on you, that you will supernaturally fill that space in ways that I never could have imagined or wrapped my brain around. And I just kept trusting that and now looking back, I feel so strongly like he knew my heart. You know, he knew how desperately I just wanted to like to know Him better. And I had this mentality of even if you don’t take it away. I love you so much. And I love you more than I ever thought possible. And I still want to know you more deeply, whether you take it or whether you don’t or whatever happened. And I’m not always like that. You know? I never thought I would be a person who got to experience that gift and God’s grace in that way. And so yeah, when I went this year for the scan, and there was not one area of concern one year later I knew this was, this was complete healing. And my faith, like I said, my faith grew leaps and bounds to know that he is the God of miracles.