As a child, teen, and adult, I read the Bible as a checklist, something that I needed to do to complete my spiritual duty for the day. But over the years, since I had first heard God speaking to me, I began to read the Bible more earnestly because I wanted to. I had a desire to read it.

For years, I had been told by man who God was, but He placed a burning desire in my heart to learn to know Him for who He says He is. In 2017 for the first time ever, I read the whole Bible in one year, and as much as possible, I read it as if I had never read it before.

I asked God to show me who he is, asking for the Holy Spirit to lead, guide, and direct me as I read and learned. I was so humbled and in awe of this heavenly parent that I was learning to know. As I was learning to know God more, he began to show me who I am in Him, that I am wanted, loved, and valued, and that he cherishes me.

A Vision of the Man in White

During this season, I was talking to God about the form of punishment I received as a child, and I asked him, “How can a loving God just stand by and watch such things happen to little children. Where were you?” Immediately, he showed me a live picture of myself when I was around seven years old, and my mother was administering the punishment.

I was crying, but there was with me, a being dressed in white with tears streaming down his face, and God said to me, “I was right there with you. I felt everything.” He allowed me to sit there in this knowledge and comforted me as I cried. Then he gently said, “I created people with free will because I want them to choose me. A true friendship with me is someone who chooses to live in constant communion and intimacy with Me. For that to happen, there will be people who will choose to go against what I desire, but I see, I know and I care.”

After this encounter, I chose to forgive my mother. Eventually, I called her and told her that I forgave her for the things that she had done in my childhood that caused pain in my life. I don’t remember her response at that moment, but over the years, she was unwilling to hear my heart, the things that affected me, and how they had affected me.

Discovery of a Lump and Spiritual Battle

In August of 2018 one afternoon, I was lying down to nap beside our youngest, who had just turned one. On this day, he was fighting nap time, moving around and wiggling his legs when he bumped a spot about an inch below my right rib cage, I, right away began feeling it to see if I could figure out what it was. It was probably a little bigger than a golf ball, and I could move it around so I knew it wasn’t attached to anything.

I right away was tempted to give in to fear that it was cancer and I was going to die, leaving my husband and four young sons, but I heard God’s reassuring voice say, “Don’t worry, trust me, I’ll take care of it.”

At the beginning of 2020, I became pregnant with baby number five, and Satan came in with temptations of, what if you die while you’re pregnant, after baby boy number five was born, what if you die and leave your husband with five young sons, one of them being a baby, but every time the fear wanted to press in, God’s reassuring voice was always right there, saying, “Don’t worry, trust me, I’ll take care of it.”

By this time, I felt like the lump was connected with something spiritual. I had no clue what it could be, but I chose to rest in God, in His timing, knowing that he’d reveal it to me when the soil of my heart was ready when I would be willing to hear, accept and work through what it was the cause of this lump.

Confirming God’s Verse for the Year

So to give some context to the next part of my story, for the past nine to 10 years, God has been giving me a verse for the year, but getting closer to my birthday in June, I felt God calling me to have a verse for my birth year. So I began praying about this, asking God to show me the verse that he wanted me to have and the significance behind the verse.

The days kept getting closer to my birthday, and I still didn’t have a verse. I remember the morning before my birthday, I was so tempted to give in and just pick a verse, But I chose instead to trust Him in His timing. I had something planned in town for that afternoon, but because of a big snowstorm, the mountainous roads were fairly dangerous, and I decided to stay home.

Since I had a few open hours because of my plans being canceled, I called my sister and asked her if she’d like to come over. As we sat in front of the fire drinking tea, my sister began to read some Bible verses, and I immediately heard God say, there, that’s the chapter I want you to read. After she went home, I sat down with my Bible to read Psalm 51 where God showed me that he wanted me to take verses 6 to 17 as my verses.

A Spiritual Cleansing

The word hyssop stood out to me, so I began researching it, learning more about when and how hyssop was used in the Bible, and it was used in various purification ceremonies. In this context, hyssop symbolized humility and acceptance of divine purification. I really felt like I was going to go through a time of purging or cleansing during the year and that this was God’s way of preparing or forewarning me.

The morning of my birthday dawned a beautifully sunny day with around a foot of fresh snow. Around 10 o’clock, I told the boys that I was going to go outside and wanted to spend at least 20 minutes out there by myself. I got bundled up, got my cup of coffee, and went out for a walk with God in the clean, sparkly snow that he had created, with verse seven on my mind, “Purge me with hyssop and I shall be clean, wash me and I shall be whiter than snow.”

I thought about this as I walked and cried, not knowing what difficulties lie in the future. I told God that I trusted him with my life and that I would be willing to go through the purging and purification with him, and asked him ahead of time for his strength to be able to go through this process, even if it would be difficult. Little did I know that purging and healing, physical and spiritual, was going to happen very soon.

Forgiveness from the Heart

Exactly a week later on a Zoom call, a lady shared about bed sores and how they develop very quickly, but take a long time to heal. These sores can be very deep, painful, ugly, and can have infection in them, but they must heal from the inside out. At times, there are sores that very quickly heal the top layer shut. But for them to heal properly, this bed sore needs to be opened back up again so the infection won’t get trapped inside.

This lady then went on to say that bed sores can be like forgiveness. We say I forgive you with our mouth, which quickly heals the top layer, but it is still causing us issues because there’s an infection that is trapped.

Immediately, I felt like I had received a fist in my chest. For years, I had said that I had forgiven my mother, but at that moment, I realized that I had not forgiven her from the heart as Jesus says in Matthew 18:35. I realized that there were still certain things that I was hanging on to with the way she had chosen to punish me.

Letting Go of Resentments and Bitterness

I believed that, since I was the little child in the relationship, and how she as the adult, was unwilling to hear my heart, I had the right to feel hurt. I also badly wanted her to see and hear how this had affected me. I felt God calling me, telling me I am your heavenly parent. I see, I care, I understand, tell me and I will comfort you. Write a letter to me and then burn it as a physical sign of letting it all go.

The very next day, I sat down and wrote out a letter to my heavenly parent, writing details and things I could think about where I was still holding hurt and pain. I also confessed to God for holding on to this right to feel hurt.

Lump is Healed

I was so tempted to not burn that letter, my flesh still wanted to hang on. Wanted the score to be settled and vengeance to be paid, but immediately after I threw the letter into the fire, I began to feel deep peace and freedom. After I chose to let go of the infection I was hanging on to, of the hurt, I thought I deserved to carry, the lump disappeared.

The infection I was carrying spiritually was causing a physical infection to grow inside of me when I was willing to go with God and trust him to purge the spiritual infection for my life, he also healed the physical infection.

I will say this, I do believe that children are victims of their circumstances. There comes a time upon reaching adulthood, that if we want to grow, we must choose to take our past to God, share the details with Him, and open our hands releasing the situation to Him, trusting in Him that He will work His will in our life and in the life of the person and the people that have hurt us.

Recently, I was listening to a podcast by Marty Solomon, and he said forgiveness is the greatest form of trust. When you forgive, you are trusting that God is in charge of the world, and if I may add, that he is in charge of your situation, whatever it may be.

Rosene’s Mom is Healed

In October of 2024, we received word of the news that my mother was diagnosed with cancer. For many years, I had prayed and fasted for my mother, because, to me, by her words and actions, it seemed that there were areas in her life where she was still hanging on to a lot of bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness. I wanted to see that taken care of before she died.

After the diagnosis, I began to pray fervently for her. Around the middle of December, my mother received an anointing with oil. Though her physical body wasn’t healed, God healed her soul and even she recognized this and mentioned it to a few of my brothers.

God opened up doors and provided a way for me to fly to the States, and I was able to spend three precious days with my mother before she passed away, the morning before she passed, with her children all gathered around her bed, we were all just talking, and out of the blue, out of nowhere, she says to us, “I’m sorry if I have ever hurt you. Would you forgive me?”

Power of Forgiveness

I just laid my head on the pillow beside her, and I cried. I cried tears of joy for the healing that God had done in my life and in the life of my mother. Forgiving someone who hurt me was not easy. I’ve learned that choosing to forgive those who have hurt me being willing to admit that I may also have hurt that person, and choosing to accept responsibility for my part are both powerful keys that have opened a closer, more intimate relationship with God. This also changed the way I chose to show up and respond to those who hurt me.

My hope in sharing this story is first of all for everybody to be able to see, hear, and know the power of God. I know sometimes in the cares of everyday life, it can just be kind of hard to just know that God is with us, actually with us and present, and he cares about the little details of our lives.

I want others to know that God is real. He is a personal God. He speaks to us today still, and miracles today still happen. I also want to share about the importance of forgiveness, because I think that if I had never chosen to forgive my mother, she passed away so quickly, I would be so filled with guilt and shame and just regrets for not having released her.

That’s what I want others to be able to experience is, is the freedom in just opening your hands, giving it to God. It’s not easy. It’s really, really difficult. But the after-effect, the blessings that come with it are, I just don’t even have words to express this, yeah, the freedom, the peace that comes with it, taking care of my side, regardless of what the other person chooses to do, it’s between me and God.