So my tumor is in my distal femur, and they have to amputate at least six inches above the tumor. So I was left with a very short amount of leg left, and above the knee is so much harder than below the knee. You don’t have a need to balance anymore. It’s like losing it. It’s losing like a quarter of yourself.

At 18, here I am like, what? I don’t know who I am. I don’t know who I’m going to be when I wake up from this surgery. I know I’m not going to be who I was. My life was shattered. I couldn’t talk to the doctors. I had so much anxiety and fear. My mom had to be the liaison where the doctors would talk to me, but I, psychologically, could not do it anymore. So my surgery was scheduled. I went in absolutely terrified, and they canceled my surgery.

It happened that somebody, um, an emergency had happened where a guy had tried to kill his girlfriend and tried to kill himself. And now he was in my OR room, and I was rescheduled for the next day. And as awful as that was, God worked a miracle because I was absolutely terrified of who I was going to be when I went for that surgery. What was going to happen?

But in that one-day layover, I had to live with cancer that one more day. I had to have that tumor spread one more day, and my attitude changed, and I wanted to have that surgery. I want to get this cancer out of my body. I wasn’t looking forward to it, but I was prepared that one night I was prepared. We took the time to pray that no matter what happened and whoever I was, when I came out of that surgery, that God would use me. God would let me not be bitter. That was my prayer. I don’t want to be bitter. I didn’t want this cancer to beat me psychologically or socially. I didn’t want this cancer to beat me. It was going to beat me physically. It was not going to beat me in those other ways. And so I had the surgery, and I woke up probably a week later. I don’t really remember the whole week.

I didn’t have my leg. And the first thing I remember is I’ve got this. I’ve got this. God’s got me, and I’ve got this. I’m not gonna be bitter. I’m not going to be angry. I’m not going to let it beat me. And so I started getting up and doing all the things for rehab. And a month later, I was on my first prosthetic. And God just gave me this peace and joy. And I could joke. I could joke about my disability. I could laugh at the funny things because there were so many times I fell or, you know, I could twist my leg all the way around because of the knee. God just gave me that joy in it. And I learned to walk again.

I had more chemo at this time. I finished my third chemo, and I almost died. I had no immunity left. Very aggressive chemo. I had multiple infections. I was in the hospital for over a month getting treatment for that. But I survived. God brought me through it. I survived. I had a Christian oncologist and a Christian nurse who always encouraged me.

God gave me a nurse who came in one time. I had him shortly after my amputation, and I was still having chemo. And he said, “You know, I want you to know that my sister had the same cancer as you. She lost her leg. And even though she went through what she went through, she still had four kids.”

I always had that in my mind that, you know what, this isn’t going to beat me. I’m not going to let it stop me. There are miracles that can happen. Because when you go through chemo, aggressive chemo as I had, you go through premenopause. So I was going through premenopause and was told I wouldn’t be able to have kids.

They let me graduate with my class after I was done with chemo. I had finished high school and was learning to walk again with two canes. I was given a job at a senior home doing physical therapy, of all things. But the amazing thing was, I went in there with two canes. And because the seniors’ homes all have rails and wheelchairs, I learned to walk again with no canes by using the rails and pushing wheelchairs. And when I finished that job, I was able to walk independently with a bad limp, but I was able to walk independently. So that was amazing.

About, I’d say six months, I think it is, after I finished my chemo, I was getting back into normal, like seeing a future. I was having regular tests done because they know that this cancer will migrate to the lungs. So they knew if it was going to spread, it was going to come to my lungs. And they found cancer in my lungs. So six months later, I had cancer in my right lung, and I had to have it surgically removed. Thankfully, they were only, they were able to do microscopic surgery and take it out.

I didn’t have to have chemo again, didn’t have to have radiation, and surgery was enough. I’m like, okay, well, that’s done. I’m good to go now. Six months later, more cancers were found, again, in the same lung. This time, though, they needed to do more aggressive surgery, and they had to go in through my lungs, or through my ribs, sorry, a thoracotomy. And so I had that done. Again, I didn’t have to have chemo, didn’t have to have radiation, which I was very thankful for. Just get the cancer out, take it out, whatever you’ve got to do, get it out. So they did. And life goes on.

I’m enrolling in university, starting my first year of university, and getting my bachelor’s degree. I’m just, yeah, life is normal. Moving on with it and stuff. And I’m in my first year of university, and I have a test done, and they’re like, ” You have cancer again.” Third time, but this time it had spread to my other lung. And I’m like, Lord, what is going on? You healed me, now I’m in my first year of university, and I’m like, Lord, what is going on? You healed me, now I’ve got it again in my lung.

So again, a third time, I had to have part of my lung removed. Yeah, I, you know, continue to pray; my family’s praying that this is it. And it was, that was it. That was the last time I had cancer in my lungs, and I finished my degree. Always in the midst of all of this as an 18-year-old, you know, now I’m in my 20s. You have this disability, I have scars on my body from treatments, and you’re like, who on earth is ever going to want to marry me? I do not match up to the beauty of the world.

I do not match up to the beauty of the world. I limp. I have scars. I do not have beauty in, as according to this world. But I know in Jesus that I have value, and I know that my identity is in him. And the right man came along. God brought the right man. And he loved me despite my disabilities and despite my scars. He loved me, and he saw them as part of me. And we got married in 2000.

I finished my degree and got married. Life is great. You know, he knew we couldn’t have kids. So we started the adoption process. In the middle of all that, because of all the chest X-rays I was having, I developed cancer in my thyroid. So, not related to the first cancer, a different cancer, they had to take my thyroid out. So here I am in pre-menopause. I have lost my thyroid, which is in charge of your hormones. No way I’m going to get pregnant. But God is who he is, and I find out I’m pregnant. Despite all of this, I’m having a baby. So, yeah, the adoption process stopped, and we enjoyed the pregnancy. And if you can believe this, this is how God works: on my birthday, I gave birth to our daughter. I knew it was a gift. She was early, but she was born on my birthday. So like, what a gift.

Adam

Let me ask you a question. How do you, do you just choose, how do you have a resilient faith through all that adversity and seek God as good, even though time after time, it’s like the enemy is trying to take you out?

Rachel

I was given a verse from a friend. Jesus has plans. I have plans for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future, Jeremiah 29:11. And I held on to that. God is a God of love. I knew that. And I knew that he wasn’t giving me this cancer. I knew that it was happening to me, and he was allowing it, but it wasn’t him giving it to me. I knew there had to be a greater purpose. And I just kept that attitude.

I’m like, God, you know, this is for a greater purpose. It was hard. It feels like you’re being like, lightning bolt, again and again. But I chose, in many ways, I chose to be like, I am not going to let this beat me. God, I know you have greater plans. If I die, I know the greater plans are somewhere in this story. Your greatness is going to be shown because there’s nothing I can do. The doctors can only do so much. Only you can use this story.

That was my motto: God’s got greater plans for me. He knows my life. He knows where this is going to lead. And I know where I’m going. If I do die. No, I didn’t want to, but I knew where I would go. I remember every time I lay on that operating table, I gave my life to him, not knowing if I’d wake up. Because you don’t know. I don’t know if that makes sense.

So I had my daughter. And then we got pregnant again. And this pregnancy, I found out I had kidney failure. Because the chemo was so aggressive, it damaged my kidneys. And we didn’t know it had damaged my kidneys until this pregnancy. And so we lost this pregnancy; we had a miscarriage. Almost a year to the date of losing that baby, we were given a son. So we had our second baby. And then we had a third son. That third baby, we gave the middle name Jeremiah to because of that verse that God was still giving us hope and a future.

And because God can, we had a fourth. So just like that lady I had been told about, I had four children. And everyone was healthy, despite all my medical complications and stuff, the babies were healthy and strong. Yeah, it was, yeah, like, doesn’t matter, God. It was like he was giving me those years that he had taken that had been taken away. He was giving me back with my children. And yes, being, you know, one leg and having to be a mother was, you know, I could crutch and hold a baby at the same time. You learn how to do things. And, you know, the doctors were amazed because my kidneys actually functioned better when I was pregnant. You know, miracle. So very blessed to have four kids.

Adam

What did the doctors say about it? I mean, you shouldn’t be having kids. Were they confounded by that?

Rachel

They were, yeah. No, we, they don’t know. They just, my body was able to. So even though we were not thinking we were able to, we were. Despite the hormones and everything, it worked. I don’t know how it happened. And then four more times, or three more times. A miracle each one for sure.

In the midst of all that, we were pastoring a church for a couple of years, and then my husband took a break and went 10 years into the steel industry. And then we were called in 2012, we were called to um, plant a church where we live now. So we became church planters, us and our four kids, and, uh, started a church, and I became a pastor’s wife. I was blessed this whole time to be able to stay home with my kids, to be a stay-at-home mom.

We moved and started planting this church, and everything was good. We had our challenges, like every family, uh, nothing out of the ordinary. My health was great. We built a home together. In 2020, we came to COVID and, um, we’re not really segregated yet, but things are starting to slow down, but nothing was all the way shut yet.

We had gone on a camping trip, and my husband wasn’t feeling very well. He’s been healthy his whole life. Never, never had a surgery, no major incidents. I think he broke his nose and his toe. That was the extent he had ever had. We’re going camping, and he’s not feeling very good. We finished our camping trip. And then I said, “Okay, I think you need to go to the doctor.”

We went to the hospital, and they’re like, “Oh yeah, you’ve got some fluid on your lungs.” Okay. No problem. We’ll take it off. So they did some procedure where they took the fluid off his lungs, and life goes on, and we’re, um, yeah, doing our normal stuff. It was a couple of weeks later, and he had it again; he was having trouble breathing.

He went back to the hospital, and they took some more fluid off his lungs, and they’re like, you know, something’s going on. I think we should get you checked out. So he had a couple of tests done. They’re like, well, we think there’s a couple of cysts on your lungs. I think we need to get a better look. We’re going to do a biopsy. So, okay. He went and got a biopsy done, and they said, “We don’t know why, but the cysts in your lungs look like cancer.”

He’s never smoked his life, never been unhealthy, always eaten well. Um, we totally were thinking it’s going to be some kind of cyst, and they’re just going to remove it. So he went to his appointment to find out what the biopsy said, and we’re absolutely blown away because they say it’s the worst of the worst-case scenarios. You have cancer, but it’s not just cancer. It’s mesothelioma, which is, um, cancer caused by asbestos exposure.

We’re like, what the heck? He’s never been, never been near asbestos. It was so bizarre. We couldn’t believe it. I’m the one who gets the cancer. I’ve always had cancer. Why is he getting cancer? So, under some investigation that they did, they think he was exposed when he was 17 years old, when he helped his church renovate an old steel building, welding it, and they’re renovating it into a church. And they think that could be where he got exposed. 17 years old, he’s now 46. And he’s got this cancer that you get when you’re 70 or 80.

Absolutely don’t even have words to explain how bizarre this is, but we’re like, nope, God’s going to heal you. We believed God, God can heal you. So, uh, we had to sit our four kids down, tell them, um, your dad has cancer. It can be terminal, but we believe Jesus is going to heal him. So we didn’t really ever talk about the terminal part. We just like, yeah, dad has cancer. Cancer. There’s no surgery that can be done. It was too far gone at this point that they couldn’t have done surgery, but he’s going to have chemo, and chemo is going to be good. And it’s going to make him better.

He starts chemo, and this is in October of 2020. And by December of 2020, he’s doing really well. The tumor is halfway gone, 50% better. He’s feeling better. He’s not on pain medication anymore. Um, we’re seeing great improvements, like he can go skating. So we booked a Christmas trip. We’d go to Jasper with family, and he goes skating with the kids, and it’s just a great trip. Like he’s doing so well. We’re like, God is healing him. We can see it.

It comes to January, a month later, he’s in more pain. He’s, um, struggling more. I can see him declining a little bit and, um, the chemo stops working. So the doctor tells us the chemo is not working anymore. We’re going to put him on an experimental immunotherapy. So in the meantime, we’ve been going to prayer. We’re going to prayer meetings. God can heal. Totally believe God is going to heal him. We have prayer meetings at our church, and we just see him declining.

We come to February, and I go to see my doctor, and my doctor is like, you know, you need to make sure you take care of yourself. You’re taking care of everybody else in your family. You’re taking care of your husband and your kids. Make sure that you’re taking care of yourself. I still had some health issues with the kidneys and stuff. So, I just want to make sure I take care of myself. I’m in the shower one day, and I’m doing my monthly breast exam, and I feel something. I’m like, Oh no, give me nothing. It’s going to be nothing. There’s no way.

I go in and have a biopsy done, and it’s stage four breast cancer. Like, how on earth, what is going on? Like, how can this be possible? I didn’t tell my husband I was going, I didn’t tell anybody that I was having this done because I didn’t think it could, there’s no way, no way. I’ve already had cancer. This isn’t going to happen. He has cancer. We can’t have it at the same time. But stage four breast cancer, I tell my husband, and he’s absolutely angry and upset and mad at God. How can this be? We have to sit down and tell our kids that, you know, not only do you have one dad who’s dying, who’s terminal, but now your mom has stage four breast cancer and is sick as well.

And you have the possibility of losing both your parents. Our kids, I can’t even tell you what that does to a family. Like we were angry, broken. My kids started having severe anxiety attacks. My youngest son had always had anxiety before, and his anxiety had been, what if one of you dies? What if one of you dies? That was always his fear. And now we had to tell him that one of his parents is terminal and the other one is sick with cancer too.

People were telling us we were cursed. We had people coming and marching around our house, praying, but we were not cursed. We’re cursed like every man, everyone, every mankind, every human is cursed with sin. So we didn’t believe we were cursed, especially. We were in the ministry, but we’re human, and we have sin as well. There was nothing we had done, nothing, you know, we are forgiven. And it wasn’t that we had confessed sin. It was just that we were, for some reason, allowed to have this cancer. So my husband’s starting immunotherapy. I’m starting chemotherapy, and he’s declining more and more. The immunotherapy doesn’t seem to be working, and I have to have surgery. I have to have a mastectomy. And because of previous cancer history, they were very aggressive. So they took the entire breast as well as 28 lymph nodes.

I had to do it all by myself because we’re into COVID now. So I had to go to the hospital by myself. I had to have the surgery by myself and come home by myself. Yeah. So we’re praying. We’re angry. We don’t understand how this is happening to us. To us, but my husband and I are, we’re praying together that, you know, we’re going to be healed and praying for our kids that they will see God’s work in this and not go the other way.

I’m continuing to have chemotherapy. I lost my hair again. This time, I knew what to expect because I had done this before. So here I am losing my hair again. More scars were added to my body. I literally have a scar that goes from one side all the way to the other side because of all the surgeries and how they’ve connected together.

The immunotherapy stops working, and my husband is told there’s nothing more we can do. This is it. You’re going to need to start preparing yourself for palliative care, and I’m going for chemo at the same time. So we’re praying for healing. Like we know, God can still heal, and he’s not being healed. He’s getting worse and worse. So we decided as a family, we’re going to go on a trip.

I’m still feeling good. I’m in between chemos. Let’s go do something as a family. We took his family, and we’re all going to go to Canmore, have a good time together. We got the clearance from multiple doctors and nurses that he could go. He was cleared to go. But by this point, he’s been put on oxygen because he just is not able to take in the oxygen with the tumors, and he’s in a lot more pain.

He’s got a couple of infections, and we’re just going to make the best of this trip. I said, if we just have to sit by the pool, that’s what we’re going to do. We prepared to go. And the next morning, um, I get him up, and he’s having a hard time getting up. He’s very low in oxygen. So I’m trying to figure out his machines, get him a little bit higher oxygen. And he’s very weak. And I’m like, I think you’re dehydrated. We’ve been having a plus 40 degrees Celsius week, extremely hot for us.

I think he’s dehydrated. So we, um, pack up all the stuff and we go to my brother-in-law’s house to see if, uh, if we can maybe get some fluids into him and just sit there for a while before we go on our trip and see if we can get him to perk up a bit and feel a little better, ready to travel. But he’s not getting better. He’s getting even worse. And we’re like, well, that’s weird.

We had to call an ambulance, and I said, well, you go get some fluids. I’ll come in an hour, and then we can go on our trip. I go to the hospital, and I see him. And the first thing he says to me is, I wish I had more time. And I’m like, it hit me. This is it. Like, he’s not coming out of this hospital. He’s dying. He’s actively dying. And so we called all the family, called the kids, told everybody you need to get here. It was hours before he couldn’t talk anymore. It went so fast.

One of my husband’s nightmares was that mesothelioma is a very terrible death. It’s one of the worst deaths because you choke and you can’t breathe, and not being able to breathe like that was a nightmare. Another one was dying alone because we had heard of families that had to have their loved ones die on their own because they couldn’t get into the hospital because of COVID.

So we’re at the hospital. It’s COVID. The nurses don’t care. We’re allowed to have multiple people in a room. So they gave us a special room. We all came in, we were all allowed to be there, all the extended family. And we were able to say our goodbyes. We had a worship time. We were able to talk to him a bit, and then the family left, and it was just me and him and his brother.

He was not in pain. I took a break, came back at three in the morning, and at six o’clock he was gone. He did not die the way he was scared to; he passed away peacefully. I believed he could have been healed. And I was like, why God, why didn’t you heal him from this cancer? Like he served you faithfully as a pastor. We all served you in a church. Like he’s a good guy. He’s a good man.

He always gave to others, never wanted anything for himself. Why didn’t you heal him? Where were you in all of this? Where were you? And so it was very tough. I went for chemotherapy. We had to delay his funeral for two weeks. When we did have his funeral, there was enough that COVID protocols were opened up enough that we could have a service where people could attend, which was really nice.

I finished my last chemo, and a week later, we took a family trip. We took that trip that we were hoping to take with him, which he never got to do. We took that later, and we were able to grieve as a family away from everything and, uh, heal up, um, because I was still going through treatments. Um, I finished chemo, finished radiation, and I’ve been clear for four years now. I’m very blessed.

I look back and again, the same prayer, “Please, Lord, don’t let me become bitter. Use this for your glory because, why are we going through this if you cannot be shown in this story?”

I look back, and I know that Keith was healed. He was healed, not the way I wanted him to be healed, but I know he went up and was in the arms of Jesus, and he’s healed. He didn’t get healed the way I wanted, but he was healed. That prayer was answered, even though I was holding on to a physical healing here on earth.

I look back, and I can see that God answered so many prayers. He didn’t die the way that someone would die with mesothelioma, choking on his air. We were able to have the family get together. There are so many ways that God provided during that time that he was there. It felt like, at the time, maybe he wasn’t, but I can see him working in so many ways.

Friends and family surrounded us, and we were provided for financially, emotionally, and spiritually. So we had a pastor who we didn’t know very well, who stayed every step of the way with us in that hospital room. I’m just thankful to be here today, healthy and strong so far.

Going through all of this, the only thing that keeps ringing through this whole story is that in my weakness, God has shown me it’s 2nd Corinthians. His grace is sufficient for me. His strength will be shown in my weakness. That’s what I want. That’s the only reason why I can go through something like this and have the attitude and joy that I have today.

We still grieve for sure; it’s only been four years. We still grieve. Uh, it was a huge loss. Not only did I lose my spouse, but I also lost being a wife. I lost being a pastor’s wife, that part of ministry. And it was again, trying to find who I am without all these things in my life.

My kids are older now. They were 18 to 11 when they lost their dad. So still young and needing a dad. I know they only had him for a short time, but they had a really good dad for that short time. There are many people out there who have dads their whole life, and they’re not good dads.

They had a really great dad who loved them. They only had him for a short time. I only had my husband for a short time, 20 years we were married. I look back on our life, and I see how God was preparing us for it. Every year, every year, we wanted to make sure we took our kids on a vacation somewhere, even if we couldn’t financially afford it, we made it work.

One of our favorite places to go was the Oregon coast and Mount St. Helens. We’d go there every couple of years. I look back now, and I’m so grateful that we did that. So grateful for those memories we made. Never take for granted the opportunities to take your family out and do those things, or spend time with your family. Cause you don’t know where your life is going to go and what twists and turns it holds, but I am so thankful that we did that.

Adam

Amazing.

I’m part of this group of guys who are disabled in some way. They call us normies. One of the things that’s consistent with these men is that most of them had an accident later in life. They talk about having a choice; they saw people who stay bitter and angry. They chose, almost like a, I don’t really know how to describe it, but it’s sort of like a victor versus a victim mentality, where it becomes a challenge, and they’re not going to let this thing beat them. They changed their perspective on it, and you have that.

Do you know how that happened? Is that just God’s providence?

Rachel

I remember the day when I found out I was going to lose my leg. I remember coming to the Lord and saying, Lord, I’m going to choose not to let this destroy me. I’m not going to let this, uh, make me bitter. And I’ve had to go do that over and over again. I’m not going to let this cancer beat me. I’m not going to let the cancer that took my husband cause me to be bitter and angry. And I’m not going to let getting breast cancer again destroy my relationship with Jesus or destroy anything in my life. It can take me physically, but it’s not going to make me a victim that way.

I remember choosing it and saying it. That it’s not going to, I’m not going to let Satan win by trying to make me bitter or angry; he’s not going to do that. I won’t give him that power. And people say, “Oh, well, God gave that to you, you’re cursed.” It’s like, no, we’re in a sinful world. We’re all in this, and it’s part of a corrupt creation, and we are going to get sick.

I know the Lord can stop it. And for some reason, it wasn’t stopped for us, but it was time for Keith to go home. And whatever reason I had to have cancer at the same time, it may speak to somebody out there that God wants to reach. And that’s what my hope is.

Adam

Your hope in sharing this story is to give somebody hope?

Rachel

Yeah, there is life beyond all of these things. There’s life beyond what we experience here. There’s hope. We know where we’re going. I know where I’m going. I know where my hope lies, and I might get cancer again. I might not, but if I get cancer again, I know who I’m going to. And I’ll see Keith again. Keith knew who he was going to. There’s hope, there’s hope. And, in all of that, there’s a joy that you have. And in the midst of all of what we went through with Keith’s passing, there was still joy.

His funeral, his viewing, we all wore Edmonton Oilers hockey jerseys. It was his favorite game. We served jujubes and candies at his viewing because that’s what he loved, you know, and on the way to the funeral, we would find things that we could laugh about. In the midst of my cancer, I joke about it all the time, having one boob. You don’t know how many jokes you can do with one leg. I mean, half of me is missing, but you know, it’s only because of Jesus that I can joke about it, because I’m not going to take it seriously.

Adam

That is amazing. You’ve been, you’ve been through a lot, Rachel. Thank you. Any final thoughts, anything you want to leave with?

Rachel

Just Jeremiah 29, verse 11. Plans for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future.