Hearing God’s Voice

(Please listen to Baylee’s story by clicking the white play button at the top of this post. You can read the transcript of the story below.)

I’ve been through a lot of challenges. I grew up foster home to foster home when I was younger. I was used to not having a lot when moving in with my mom. And she was a intravenous drug user for half of her life, the majority of half of her life, she started when she was 13. So she had a lot of issues, and she had a lot of mental disorders. And so we grew up bouncing back from family member to foster parents. I’ve had over 15 different foster parents in my life.

And I was able to take from so many of them and I was able to grow from so many of them. But I kind of knew, like, in a bad situation, I could get through it. But in that situation, I don’t think I was ready to lose everything at once and be alone. I think this past year, I’ve encountered more of God, than I thought I would ever encounter, you know. I grew up in the church, of course, but not really familiar with having a relationship with God. And I put myself in a situation where I had to rely on my faith in God where it… that was the only thing that could have possibly gotten me through.

I was sitting in a room with no furniture, nothing. I had nothing. I was … the only thing I could do was pray, you know, I don’t have a car, my phone’s (dead) and ….like, it just was, I had to stop to realize that He was there and that He was helping me through and guiding me through.

And it started off, I went to college in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I got my degree in quality control engineering. And then I moved to Dallas, in a relationship. Did not know what I was really doing. I just wanted to make someone very special to me happy. So we moved to Dallas, and I get this this little small settlement from the car accident that I was in when I was 16. And, it swiftly dwindled down. I ended up spending a lot of money in the course of two months to where it just was gone. So we got in this huge argument. And it came to a decision to where we just had to split up and we had to break up. Here I am, fresh out of college, and I have no experience to even get a job in my field in Dallas. Because they want two or three years plus experience when you’re living in a major city. So, I’m still hopeful. Everything’s still… it’s going bad, but it’s okay right now. And there’s one day where I’m taking a shower, and I left this glass Izzy bottle on my bathtub. And I don’t know if water got under it or if I knocked it over, but it knocked over on the outside of the bathtub. But however, a piece of glass slit my ankle, from the inside of the tub, to the tendon. So I had to have surgery the next day. And at this point, I’m just like, what is this? I have to get a job in my field and no one’s going to hire me with a boot on and I don’t know what I’m doing. And so I’m just like okay, I got this. I got this. I have to talk myself down. And I have to leave this apartment.

We chose this outrageously expensive apartment downtown Dallas. And it was nothing that I necessarily wanted for myself. It was just something to make him happy. I saved up my money, just enough to pay for my first month’s rent. They couldn’t send off the rental verification in time. So they gave away my apartment. And so here I am, without [a place to live] and the apartment complex, they’re like “Oh, we have an opening within two weeks.” And I can’t find another because I only saved enough funds for this specific apartment. So I was like, Okay, I’m just gonna have to stay in my car. I lived in my car for about two and a half weeks. And I finally was able to find a job, but nowhere near my field. I end up getting a position knocking on doors.

It was such … I don’t want to say a scam job. But it was a terrible job. They promised, “Oh, you’re going to make like 1200, $1500 dollars a week.” And my paychecks were never more than 50 or $60. So I was so confused about so many things. And I worked for this job for like about a month. At this point I don’t have any money. Everything’s going possibly wrong.

So with this job entailed was that I drive all the way to Fort Worth. And I’d knock on doors or I drive out to a specific location [to knock on doors]. Well, I drive a Jeep. And it’s not like a new Jeep. It’s one of the older Jeeps and so it swallows gas and it’s an expensive repair. So I’m just thinking, man this isn’t smart. I’m not even making enough to cover my gas. And so at at point my Jeep starts acting up, like the water pump went out and that was a $300 repair fix. So I had to eat into my first month’s rent. And then the next thing I know, the battery just quits working. And so I had to leave my car at my job.

And I was able to move into my apartment before that happened. But here I am, I have no way of paying my rent. And I’ve been working for free for [this] job for a month. And it’s just going bad. And so before I start my next route of knocking on doors, I pray in my car and I’m just praying and just like, God, make this make sense.

I have a degree. I shouldn’t be in this position. I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know why I’m doing this. And I’d just seen this paycheck and I know that the paycheck that I’m going to get, it’s still not going to be able to cover my months–my first month’s rent. I don’t know what to do. God, make this make sense.

By the way, I’m knocking door to door from 12 to 8pm at night, and I have on this boot and I’m just limping, knocking on doors and I come across Molly. And she’s just full of energy. And I really don’t see that knocking on doors. You just … people either don’t answer or they answer with like, “What do you want?”, you know? And so she’s just like, you’re you’re out here with that boot on, and I’m just like, Yeah. And I tell her how I got into the boot. And she just starts laughing and she’s like, that happened to me. And she showed me her scars. She has the same little scar on her ankle. And I was just like, wow. So she just asked me, “Can I pray for you?” And I look at the sky and I’m just like, No way. And she says, “Yeah, come on in, come in.”

God, I can’t hear you. I can’t hear your voice, where are you at in all of this? I cannot hear your voice. Make this make sense God.

So I’m telling her, what’s going on, you know, like, with my relationship and how I got here. And she just asks, “Can I pray for you?” And I’m just like, yeah, so she prays for me. And I leave her house relieved. I’m just thanking God, but I still have the week ahead of me. And so the next day is my last day of work. Little did I know it was going to be my last day.

It’s 32 degrees outside in Fort Worth. I did not drive there. I had to ride share with my boss. My phone was dying and turning on and dying and turning on. And then they give us these iPads and my iPad was like on 6%.

And I’m in a random neighborhood. It’s pitch black. And I’m just scared. So I call my boss and I let them know, “Hey, I don’t think I can do this right now. My phone, it keeps flickering on and off. I don’t have enough charge for me to go house to house and it’s cold and I can’t knock on another door. I can’t even feel my fingers. Like, it’s just a numb blistering pain.”

He says, “Okay, what do you want me to do about it?” Mind you, I took a ride out with this guy. He ended up leaving Fort Worth without me and leaving me stranded. So I got this text like 15-20 minutes later after the shift from a coworker who said, “yeah, you know, Dan left; we’re going to have somebody come and pick you up.” Well, the guy was coming from Dallas. So that’s another hour. And I’m just sitting here on the block of this random neighborhood. Cars are just driving by and it’s pitch black, it’s cold, and my phone, I don’t want to call anyone or text anyone because I’m on 2%.

And so I’m just like, okay, God, like I’m crying. I just can’t quit crying. And the guy, my coworker, comes to pick me up. He picks me up and he’s just talking to me. And he says, “yeah, you know that he’s not right for what he did.” And I’m just like, yeah, at this point, I’m over it, I just want to get home. He drops me off at my car, which is still stuck at my job. I wasn’t able to start it up from there. So I was thinking, maybe if I just wait a little, and I tried to start it up, it’s going to work again, but it doesn’t. And so I leave my phone in the car, and he [my coworker] drops me back off at my house.

And I have nothing in my house. It’s just me and my dog and some clothing. And I just looked at my life. And I’m just like, Okay, I’m not talking to my parents. I’m all alone. I don’t have a job anymore. I’m two weeks late on rent and I could be evicted any moment and be homeless, and I don’t have a vehicle. At this point, I’m just yelling, and I’m just crying. And I’m just like, God, I can’t hear You. I can’t hear Your voice, where are You at in all of this? I cannot hear Your voice. Make this make sense God. I had these pill bottles from my surgery. And I was just like, I’m just going to do it. This is it. No one’s going to know. It’s not like I have anything else to live for. I’m just going to do it. And there was this voice that just kept saying, “just wait till tomorrow. If it’s not better tomorrow, just wait.” So, I wait. I had $10 left to my name. And I had to give it to a cab driver to take me to work. I get my phone and I get this text from Molly. It’s a podcast on how to hear the voice of God. I look at the sky and I’m just like, God, what is going on? Just last night I was yelling, I can’t hear Your voice. Those exact words. Like, “I cannot hear Your voice.” And I at that point, everything just started switching and I’m a little bit hopeful.

So I text Molly, “whenever you’re free, I just need a word. I just need to talk with you.” Apparently on that day, she was praying to God. And she was telling Him, “I just want to impact someone.” And I came into her life that day, on that day. I was telling her how my life just switched in the moment from when I had last seen her. And [I told her] I don’t know how I’m going to pay my rent. I’m so late. And she’s just like, “you could do some work around for me. You can work around here for me and help me out with the kids. And I could help you.” I was just so touched. I was like, okay, and it just started making more sense. Since I met Molly and she was able to show me true love. A stranger who does not know me whatsoever. And [she] was so… I can’t even explain it; so happy to see me. So happy to help me. I was telling her, Yeah, this is where I’m at and she was able to help me. At this point, now I need a job and I’m struggling. So her husband redid my resume for me and he has a lot of good connections. He connected me with the job that I have now. I’m just so thankful because it’s all from a knock on the door, all from a prayer. Everything just flipped upside down. And yeah… he also fixed my car. He was able to buy another battery and he’s just like, yeah, it’s fine.

I was like, how can I? How can I repay you guys for this? I don’t… People that I’ve never met, ever in my life, have done more for me than people that I actually know. And it’s just like, I don’t know, I went from the lowest of lows in my life and I’ve gone through some things, but that was the last straw for me. And for that to happen [meeting Molly], it was just, it was awesome. Still to this day she takes me to Bible study. She helps me as much as she can, you know? It’s not like yeah, this is a one time thing. She’s very invested in my growth and it’s …I can’t be more thankful.

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