Jamie
Jesus Came In Like a Boss
(Please listen to Jamie’s story by clicking the white play button at the top of this post. You can read the transcript of the story below.)
Yeah, my name is Jamie. I am five years clean and sober. After having gone to Christian school and a university it seemed like everything should be normal and like a picture perfect life, right? Except that was so not the case. I don’t even really know how to start this because I was sitting in an investigation room. I was 34 years old, sitting across from an investigator, a detective, that had been working for a while building a case against me with the DA. And he pulls out a sheet of paper and I see line item by line item. And I’m looking, I see a doctor and I see a pharmacy and I see a date. I see a doctor and a pharmacy and a date. And the lines go on and on. And before he even really says anything, he turns the tape recorder on and he’s like, “Do you understand why you’re here?” I heard Holy Spirit for the first time in probably 17 years, because I’ve been living in some form of an addiction for about 17 years at this point. Holy Spirit said to me, “If you will be honest, I will give you grace.”
I was not a truthful person at this point in my life. I lived in lies, I was a lie, like I lived multiple facets of just I didn’t have truth in me. And I said, “I’ve done every single one of those that you have listed on your paper, except you’re missing one. I just had a prescription filled last week.” I’d attempted to have it filled across state lines which would have made it a federal case. As the story plays out, I find out that I have 19 counts of second degree felony against me, just on this one charge. And each one of those counts carries 2 – 20 years, two years minimum, 20 years maximum and I have 19 of those. As I finished all of this up, he’s like, “Because you’ve been honest with me…” This is a Friday afternoon at like, 3pm. “I’m going to go to the judge and see if she’d be willing to consider dropping some of your charges, just some.” And when Holy Spirit said, “I’ll give you grace,” He literally meant it. They dropped 18 of the 19 counts of second degree felony, which I would have literally spent the rest of my adult life in prison, and they put me on probation. But I wasn’t done.
So I get out. I bail out, and I continue to drink and I think I’m exempt from the rules. I think I’m exempt from everything because that’s how I’d operated. I’d always been able to manipulate my way out of every situation. When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t even see who I was like I couldn’t see the reality of the extreme measures that my life had become. I didn’t see that I was an addict. And I didn’t see that I was an alcoholic. And I didn’t see that I was a liar. I didn’t see that I was a thief. I just thought I was doing what I wanted to do, and it made me feel good. And so that’s what I was entitled to do and to be and to have. I got arrested in August of 2014. By December, I’d already failed my first outpatient UA, which is urinary analysis. It tested for drugs and alcohol. So it was the first of January in 2015, that I get a call from my attorney, and he’s like, “What did you do? What did you do?” And I was like, “What do you mean?” He said, “I was just in court and they’re looking for you.” He said, “You don’t have options. You need to understand me, you have zero options. You have to turn yourself in by this date, and this time, or they will come looking for you period.”
January 7 is when I turn myself in. I’m in a jail cell. I’m sitting in this, it’s a medical tank because I was also narcoleptic. I had used my narcolepsy as an excuse to abuse my medication, which was Adderall. Like, I had multiple doctors and I just went from doctor to doctor, it was doctor shopping. And those were what the felonies were for. And so I’d never been without this medication for nine years. It was, it was my life and without it, I didn’t function. That was all I knew of how to function. So I’m in this medical tank and against the wall, you see, “PUSH.” Like, pray until something happens. Quite frankly, I was like, I don’t even want to look at this stuff. I was so disenchanted with the God that I knew. I mean, I had heard Holy Spirit months before that, about eight months. But I was so disenchanted because the God that I grew up with in church was not the God I needed, and the God that I heard sitting in a pew had no life for me.
So I went to bed my first night in jail as an addict, as an alcoholic. All of these things and I woke up the next morning, and I never had withdrawals. I never had shakes. I never fell out of my bunk. I had broken my nose countless times, because if I hadn’t been on medication, I would lose muscle control and I would smash my nose or I’d smashed my face; they call it cataplexy. And, you know, it was about a year after all of this happened that it was like, Jesus walked in like a Boss, like a loving Boss and pulled me out of the pits of Hell, because that’s what it was. That’s all I’d known was survival by medication, survival by alcohol, survival by being in a relationship with a man. I had no idea of what or who I was outside of those things. And what I realized, it was to build a faith in me that I had never known because of what was ahead. I had to face the fact of who I’d become.
My family wanted nothing to do with me. I found out that my family was the one that had actually turned me into the DA. They had built that case against me because it wasn’t out of anger, it was not of hate. It was because they would rather lose a relationship with me and save my life, than enable me and let me continue to do what I was doing. Because at that point, I wasn’t just affecting me. I was affecting every other person that was around me, including my nieces and nephews. And I loved them. Right? I just couldn’t love them enough to stop doing what I was doing because I hated me. Because once you get so broken and you hate what you’ve done, and you hate what you’re doing, it opens this doorway to continue to participate in it because you’re like, well, I’m this far. Does that really matter? And then it begins feeding something in you–because I was so void of filling an emotion. I needed something to fill. I had no emotion. I was, I was dead. I literally had a heart of stone.
That person I’d become–I had been the abused and out of anger and shame and and all of that, I then in turn became the abuser. Right? And you don’t think of it that way. You often see, like in the movies, this woman getting abused or even a man or a child, but what I learned from experience is that what you receive, you perpetuate. And it blew my mind. I was like, in that reality that I had become the abuser and to be able to see that… And it wasn’t until, man, a year into my sobriety. And when I say sobriety, I don’t mean just like I’m not participating in these things. I’m talking like, Jesus invades my heart, Sober! And it’s not, I love the programs and I have many friends that are in the programs and I still do AA, but it was Jesus. Jesus is my sobriety. Does that make sense? It’s very different. It’s so different, because it’s not about just thiss remote hope and promise, it’s about running back in to the very Life itself.
That when you first met Him, there was a Life that entered you. So when I sat in that jail cell, and He began to work on my heart, and He began to do these things, as my family was like, “We’re not coming to visit you. We’re not putting money on your books. You’re not going to see us right now.” I mean, like it was just, I was sitting there and it’s that excruciating process of like…
“I hate me.”
Jesus walked in like a Boss, like a loving Boss and pulled me out of the pits of Hell.
I just began to journal and pour my heart out to Jesus. And I was like, I’m scared. I don’t know what to do with who I am. I don’t know if You even want to hear me. I don’t know if You even want to speak to me. I don’t know if You want me because I don’t want me. And He took me to this verse in Isaiah, and it’s Isaiah 52:1-2 and it says, “Awake, awake oh daughter of Zion for the defiled and uncircumcised will enter you no longer.” It was like, Oh my God, that’s me. Like, that’s me. Like that, you know? Like those things that I’d use to fill me–those uncircumcised, the defiled things of this world that I used to bring me something…He was like, “No more.” And the reality that, the key for this Freedom that I had wanted, but I never knew how to find it and was scared to death to even go after it. The whole time was sitting inside me. And it was just relenting myself to the arms of Jesus once again. I needed the Jesus I’d never known before. I needed, I needed a God I had not experienced in the fullness. I needed power. I needed the reality of who He says that He is, that we read about all the time. And He healed me of the narcolepsy, which there’s no cure for. He healed me of the alcoholism and the addiction to pills. He began restoring my family back to me, and it didn’t happen all at once. But it happened step by step and moment by moment. Yet what I learned is that I had to fix this first and I had to allow Him to do surgery on me.
If He could have filleted me open and taken it out, I would have probably been much happier. You know? But it was the journey over the next four years, saying, “I have to trust you with what You’ve created.” And taking the excruciating pain, that’s actually a joy now, to be able to sit and to tell people about me. Like, “Let me show you who I was.” Because if you see the before and after you’re like, “Oh my gosh; holy crap. Like, you look like you could cut me.” And I’m like, Oh,
yeah, I probably would have.” Like, it was that mentality of being so depraved, but seeing the restoration of what Christ really intended me to be. Because it didn’t start with all of these addictive behaviors. It started with an onslaught of my identity at a very young age. Because if the enemy can pick up on who and what you’re supposed to be for the Kingdom of God–he knows long before we’re ever aware of what our purposes are. At 10, 11 years old, when you start being like, I don’t really, I’m not comfortable with myself and by the time you’re 17, being in a fluid full blown anorexic lifestyle, you know? He’s already come in and planted that seed and, and tried to rob you of the fullness of what you’re supposed to be walking out.
You know, there’s this scene in Lord of the Rings: Return of the Kings and I love it and I use this a lot. It’s the daughter of one of the kings and she’s cloaked as a soldier. She’s clothed as a man because like, you can’t go into battle. It’s not created for you; you’re a woman. You need to stay here. And she knows in her heart, in the very essence of who she is, that she’s actually called to the battlefield. And she’s sitting down there and she’s sitting on her horse and she watched her father fall off and he’s about to be run through. As she approaches this, this Orc thing that’s about to kill the king, he says, “For Who are you? For no man can kill me.” And she looks at him and says, “For I am no man. I’m a daughter of the king.” And she just runs him through.
I’m like, what if, what if we had the reality, whatever your battlefield is…I’m called to run in headlong, to rip off the helmet, not to be disguised as something that you’re really not. But in true transparency and vulnerability of the beauty of who you are, and being like, no, I’m gonna stand my ground. I’m going to take what You’ve, You’ve given me to, to stand dominion over, to take dominion over. Whether it’s your family, whether it’s the arts, whether it’s, you know, business, education, it doesn’t matter what it is. But when you pick up that charge, knowing that this is what I was destined for. Like, my purpose is to come in–to go in like a boss, knowing that The Deliver’s coming in with me, and yanking those men and women out of the pits of hell. He put us here for a purpose. When we follow after whatever He tells us to do, and it doesn’t always look normal. It doesn’t always seem comfortable. Sometimes it’s awkward. But when we move when He tells us to move, heaven shows up!
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Growing up Christian, David saw himself as a disappointment. God's audible voice silenced the inner critic that had tormented David most of his life.
Moved with Compassion
A young boy is shot in the head and on life support. Moved with compassion Justin pushes past his fears and enters the NICU to lay hands and pray for him.
God is After You
Joseph needed more than religious do's and don'ts to comfort his broken heart. A new friend told him "God is after you!", which led to him hearing from God and his healing.
Prompted by Holy Spirit
Kyle is prompted by the Holy Spirit to "bless the feet". Later that morning, his feet are blessed so that all ministry expenses can be paid in full. He also details an encounter of [...]
Don’t Give Up. Rise Up.
On a mission trip in Nigeria, Ayelen contracts Ebola. Upon returning to Argentina, she is hopitalized and left for dead. As she cries out to the Lord for help she hears the Lord [...]
Vehicle for the Gospel
Rapping and preaching the gospel all over the country turns out to be quite difficult when you don't have a vehicle. Moses prays and fasts for a month asking God for help. The Lord [...]
Awakening to God’s Love
God's reckless pursuit of Seth, despite his anger and drug use, comes to a head as his parents' deteriorating health leads Seth to his knees and an awakening to God's beautiful love.
Defined by the Father
Trying to live up to his father's expectations, Colin was depressed, hopeless and lost. At a conference Colin encounters the living God, he is healed physically, spiritually and [...]
Leaving Everything for Jesus
Searching for fulfillment and satisfaction in what the world offered left Lance broken and longing for something real. When he encountered the reality of the righteousness [...]
Just One
Despite the challenges of running a group home for troubled teens, Tiffany and her family discover it's all worth it if they can save just one from the system and introduce her to [...]
God Speaks a Better Word
Two of her three boys are diagnosed with Fragile X Syndrome but God speaks a better word to Jeffie through the Holy Spirit prophetic words, and the Bible.
Power of Hope
Living in abundant hope, faith and power, Caroline refuses to let her diagnosis of infertility define her faith, her purpose, or the goodness of God.
Stop Rejecting Me
He spent his entire life rejecting God until kidney failure went from dialysis to a nearly fatal organ transplant, causing Chris to stop running from the only One who could save him.
Simple Prayer of Faith
Wade shares how a simple prayer of faith and following Jesus' example of laying hands on the sick has lead to supernatural healings and salvations. The ultimate goal is to follow Jesus.
A Buddhist Hears From Jesus
Growing up Buddhist, Allison sought academic praise and worldly achievements, doing all the right things but never finding peace. In the midst of a suicide attempt, she hears the [...]
The Gift of Trust
Faced with infertility, Rod and his wife choose to trust God and His plans for them through the gift of adopting a child with Cerebral Palsy. God has supernaturally revealed [...]
Spiritual Roots
After years of unexplained medical issues, Renee hears that her symptoms have spiritual roots. At the end of her rope, she considers the supernatural. Renee's faith is challenged [...]
The Forgiveness of an Adulterer
A broken past leads to lies and adultery as the foundation of their marriage. Through God's incredible grace and forgiveness, hope is found and a marriage is restored.
The Forgiveness of an Adulterer
A broken past leads to lies and adultery as the foundation of their marriage. Through God's incredible grace and forgiveness, hope is found and a marriage is restored.
The Forgiveness of a Murderer
Ryan is able to forgive his brother's murderer and offer him the same redemption and hope he has found in Christ. I was a son who needed to be redeemed and rescued. That reality [...]
Inner Healing and Deliverance
Kelsey thought inner healing and deliverance was weird until she experienced it for herself and truly understood the gospel at a deeply personal level. I think, until we as [...]
Made to Worship
Learning to pray to the Lord through singing, Aiva became connected to God. It is in worship that she found His comfort and peace in the midst of tragedy.
Keeping a Promise
Diagnosed with breast cancer at a young age in Mexico and ostracized from her family for her faith, Tethe keeps her promise to the Lord.
Voice of God
The appearance of perfection was important for Craig as a Pastor's son, but when he hears the voice of God everything changes. I heard the voice of God in a way that I didn't know [...]
A Friend of Jesus
He's carried a 12 foot wooden cross all over the world, has story after story that movies are made of, and only wants to be remembered as a friend of Jesus. He has given us an [...]
Purposefully Homeless
Led by God on a purposefully homeless journey, Rachel leaves her job, home, and modern day comforts to find the one thing money can't buy.
Light in the Darkness
Suicidal and diagnosed with over eight mental illnesses, in and out of over 20 different psych wards, on 10 psych meds, Alexis is instantly healed.
In Need of the Gospel
Through missional outreach, Jesse finds that he is in need of the gospel as much as those who haven't yet received it.
Raise My Son
Her son was dead for 21 minutes and brain dead for 2 days. In a sea of doctors, Angelic cries out to God and prays over her son through the power of the Holy Spirit, "Raise my [...]
Your Life Is Not Your Own
Rosie has attempted suicide twice since losing her son and is planning a third attempt the very day that she meets Tyler and Andy who share that her life is not her own and God has [...]
When Heaven and Earth Collide
An instrument maker by trade, Caleb receives a digital download of an instrument he has never seen and a tribe name in a dream. This dream ignites a journey where heaven and earth [...]
Unraveling Addiction, Restoring a Marriage
Aaron's life was unraveling because of his addiction and his wife uncovers the truth. Restoring their marriage becomes possible through Jesus, love, and recovery ministry.
I Give You My Life
Fourteen years old Chethan plans his suicide. He cries out to God, "I give you my life" and is overwhelmed by the presence and power of the Lord.
Knit Together
Ultrasounds revealed and confirmed, in utero, that Ashley's son August had polycystic kidney disease in both kidneys. After months of prayer, God knit together a miracle for family [...]
The Father’s House
When things don't add up, God's miraculous provision provides further confirmation for missionaries to create a discipleship house for lost sons –The Father's House.
Through the Wilderness
A seasoned hiker loses his trail and is lost for seven days. Desperate for help and ready to give up, Josh hears a Voice that guides him through the wilderness, giving him peace in [...]
Going All In
Unable to go under water due to his tracheotomy, Landon gets completely healed and is going all in for the first time at his baptism.
Hal-Le-Lu-Jah
Born with severe sleep apnea, 21 month old Landon receives a tracheotomy and doctors say he will never talk. His parents pray for complete healing and receive a miracle with one [...]
Not Ashamed
Her heart is for women caught in sex industry and life on the streets, but Nadia shares how Holy Spirit directed her to share the Father's heart for a pimp.
Running With The Gospel
After multiple confirmations of his calling, God anoints Peter's feet to run with the gospel. When a father affirms a son, there's nothing more powerful.
Give Jesus a Try
Holiday YouTube scrolling is used by the Holy Spirit to entice Machelle to give Jesus a try instead of numbing out and her identity is transformed.
God Has the Final Say…Not Cancer
Doctors sent him home to die. Sure that God had the final say and not cancer Jeff maintained, prayed without ceasing and the cancer ravaging his body was healed.
An Impossible Conception
She has battled cancer multiple times and through those challenges is told conception is impossible. But God...After 17 years of infertility, she becomes pregnant.
When All Seems Lost
On suicide watch all seems lost when JD loses nearly three quarters of a million dollars in three days. But faithful obedience pays off. I thought God was going to bless me. And [...]
Heart for the Homeless
Circumstances in her own life gives Karen a deep understanding and heart for the homeless that leads serving in South Dallas faithfully for over 23 years.
Co-Laboring In Love
A shared love for hair and Jesus finds two stylists co-laboring to bring the beauty and hope of the gospel to their downtown salon. The safest place is in His will. And, the [...]
Reclaiming the Past
Unable to trust God after the loss of his sister, EJ looks for answers and is able to reclaim the past when he has multiple encounters with Jesus.
The Risk of Faith
Looking for opportunities to celebrate God, Daniel goes out expecting God to show up in a moment and his faith is increased with every risk he takes.
An Intimate Vision
Seeing God's word as an intimate love letter draws Craig into encounters with Jesus that change his vision of himself and a deeper relationship with God.
Healing in Unbelief 2/2
Ten years of chronic, debilitating back pain leaves Camille in unbelief that it's God's will to heal her. God challenges her understanding through a "chance encounter" with an [...]
Healing in Unbelief 1/2
An obedient messenger of the Lord, Lee finds himself facing the greater challenge of unbelief than the hope and possibility of healing when he meets Camille.
Radical Love Extravagant Provision
God's radical love causes Kyna to leave drugs and alcohol behind as her daily provision becomes the extravagant love of the Lord.
Hearing God’s Voice
A string of bad choices leave Baylee broken and homeless. Desperate for help, her hope is restored by the prayer of a stranger and hearing the voice of God.
An Order to Prophecy
Knowing God is a God of order, Pierce needs confirmation and direction before sharing the prophecy he feels he's received from the Lord.
Break Through
Addicted to drugs for over 23 years, God uses what should have been a fatal car accident to break through the noise in Todd's life and draw him near.
Facing Mental Affliction
Years of mental affliction was destroying Anthony and his family. He encounters Jesus through love and inner healing and is instantly healed.
Reconciling Race
A purposeful engagement and wedding become the catalyst to reconciling race through the union of marriage and the grace of God.
Precious Pain
Paralyzed by the pain of arthritis, forced to rest and unable to care for her family Sayo hears clearly from the Lord. Her illness becomes precious.
A Step of Faith is a Step of Faith
A single step of faith begins a journey that takes Danny and his family from India to the United States. Trusting God, even when everything seemed bleak.
Provision for the Journey
They sold everything and set out on a journey, not sure where the Lord would lead them. They've learned to trust Him every step of the way.
Whoa, God is Here!
John begins each day with expectancy of what the Holy Spirit will do. Lead by the Spirit, he gets to share in some incredible supernatural experiences with God and His children.
A Really Big Yes
A few high school students say yes to God, and a culture shift happens at the school. Students are changed, revival breaks out and the Kingdom advances.
Unbelievable Expectations
From prison to praise, God redeems Mike's life in unbelievable ways causing him to have expectations for hope and favor despite his past.
Daily Desperate Dependence
When life's challenges become too great, Joe discovers the only thing that will get him through is a daily desperate dependence on the Lord. I began connecting with the Holy [...]
Freedom Behind Bars 2/2
After 34 years of serving the Lord behind bars, Gene is released. Looking back he shares some of the supernatural God moments in his life of freedom.
Freedom Behind Bars 1/2
Sentenced to life in prison for a crime he didn't commit, Gene finds Jesus and true freedom behind bars as his pleas for mercy are denied by the courts. "Unshackle him, release him [...]
Resource Room of Heaven
Financial plans crumble, car totalled, Clint feels he is being punished by God. He has an encounter with Jesus and learns about the resource room of heaven.
Courageously Weird
Stepping out on a limb for God but not wanting to be seen as weird, Molly pushes through her own fears to be courageous in the Lord. These are the stories--- these are the ones [...]
Father to the Fatherless
Growing up without a father left a void in Zach's life. He looked for life and acceptance in everything but God. Now he's partnering with God to make a difference in the lives of [...]
Dance with Me
Being single and having a deep desire to marry leads Meredith to an intimate, raw encounter with Jesus, when she hears Him say, "Dance with Me."
An Answer to Anxiety
Gripped with anxiety and desperate for hope, God's presence becomes the answer Alzavian has been searching for.
A Vision Revealed. A Waitress Consoled.
Awoken in the early morning with a vision, Ray is able to console and speak life into his waitress with God's love revealed through that vision.
Power of Prayer in the Storm of Addiction
Cherry's daughter is caught in the storm of addiction. Wanting to rescue her daughter from a life of pain and trouble, Cherry learns the power of prayer.
Inmates Pray. Cancer Healed.
Usually the one praying for the inmates he faithfully serves, Wayne is diagnosed with cancer and the inmates pray for him to be healed.
Dreams. A Glimpse of the Father’s Love.
Sally's childhood dreams are confirmed as the truth about her father's death comes to light and the Father's love is revealed.
Two Words from a Stranger…
Jeremy prays for an opportunity to share God's love. He receives a word of knowledge for a stranger. Those two specific words change both men forever.
The Height of Grace in the depths…
Abortion leaves many in the depths of despair, it is only through the heigths of the Father's love and grace that Brooke is able to forgive herself.