An Answer to Anxiety
(This is a transcript of Alzavian’s story.)
I remember one day waking up with crazy anxiety. I went outside to smoke cigarettes to get peace, to get rid of the anxiety, but it didn’t help. I was like, “Okay I don’t know what to do.” I don’t think that I really believed in the Lord at the time, but I asked the Father for help. In fact, I think I said, “If you are real.” I asked Him to take this away from me. And I wasn’t talking about taking away what I was doing or the way I was living. I just wanted Him to take away the anxiety. It was riding me. I had never felt anything like it before. I felt the love of God hit my heart and it was like this radiating feeling, like a flooding of my heart. I could feel His affections and I could hardly breathe. I was trying to catch my breath. As that happened, I just pictured myself in a big chair that I couldn’t fit in.
I was in the big chair, but I was looking back down at my myself sitting on the back stairs of my house. I felt the Lord was telling me that because of my crying out to the Lord, that He had seated me in heavenly places with Him. That my sins were forgiven, and He sees me rightly now. He put me on His chair. I am now seated in His chair!
Remember, this is broad daylight and that’s why I’m so confused. I thought things like this happened at night, you know, in your room or something. I’m confused and I’m afraid to look at the sky, because I feel I’m gonna see God if I look up. But then this joy hit me, and I was like laughing like, “He’s real! He’s real! And people are wrong about this God because He is real!” I cried out, I mean literally. He came in and I could feel love and I just was feeling love. Like, His love was on me.
I was not wanting life but when I tasted it, I was like oh yeah give me more!
I got my Bible and just start reading and reading. You know, day in, day out, just reading, smoking a cigarette, reading, smoking a cigarette, and during that time I just fell in love with the Word. I remember this one time, I was in my room and I was very lonely, and I was like, “Man, I need someone to walk with. I need someone to do life with.” I remember He walked in the room and I felt this peace and it was a different peace. This peace made everything stand still; it was like the walls knew that the Lord was there. The chair knew, everything knew that the Lord was in this place. He sat down and literally I saw indentions of where He sat in my bed, and I started crying. The Lord asked me, “Why are you crying?” and I said, “Because I don’t have no one to do this with.” And I hold my Bible up and then He started crying. And I’m like, “Why are you crying?” I stop crying. He’s says, “Stand up. Put your hands out.” (That’s why every time I minister to people, I ask them to put their hands out, because He told me put my hands out.) He said, “Meet Holy Spirit” and then Holy Spirit manifested in a bodily shape, form, and I could feel the fire of God. I literally stayed there for a good 30-45 minutes. I was just in one spot with the Lord. I could feel Him, like touching my whole body. And that’s my testimony.
We put our faith in the Father, not in man, but in the Father. Whatever I was doing, I was doing because this one Man sought me out in my back yard. I didn’t even want Him. I did not want the Lord. I was far from wanting the Lord. All I was wanting was to get this anxiousness out of me. This was bad; this was really bad anxiety. I was asking the Lord to help me. He came in and He gave me life. I was not wanting life, but when I tasted it…I was like, “Oh yeah, give me more!” That was the drive for wanting the Lord more. Tasting life. Tasting love. Yeah, that was it.