Anthony

Facing Mental Affliction

(Please listen to Anthony’s story by clicking the white play button at the top of this post. You can read the transcript of the story below.)

Whenever I would be in a precarious situation, I’m either in the car with a bunch of people I was doing drugs with, and I’m about to overdose, or about to get in a car accident or something really horrible is about to happen that’s threatening my life, automatically out of my mouth would just come these words, and I remember it now, I would say like something along the lines of like, “I don’t want to die. Jesus, please save me.” And those things would just shoot on my mouth. Like, “I’m scared Jesus help me.” Those things would just pop out. I was so scared. I was so scared and alone.

It’s like, it doesn’t matter what you have built up around you or what you’re using as your comfort or your protection. But like when you’re, when you’re about to die. Like there’s only one person you want. His name is Jesus.

Whooo, and now it doesn’t take a drug overdose for me to call on him. I call on him like when I first wake up in the morning because I love his face. His face is so beautiful. Oh, he’s so beautiful.

He’s such a beautiful man. He’s not intimidated. He just cares so much about you that it’s like what you’re doing that goes like that’s that’s harmful or negative or destructive, like it’s almost like it doesn’t even matter to him. He just, he cares so much about you, he’ll overlook anything if he can snatch you out of it. And if he can show you how loved you are. He is so, he’s so desperate for you. Anyways, so yeah, man, I gotta like cool it a little bit.

Okay. I never really like I would always feel like an inkling of hope in things. But every single time I would, end up back where I had started. And it was like the things I was putting my hope in we’re never coming through for me, before coming to Jesus, you know. That’s kind of what my life looked like. It was in it was like, into the world, you know, and like just getting really afflicted having a total breakdown and going into the mental hospital, where things would kind of seem to stable out for a little bit. But I would just get there, I would just, I would get prescribed like a bunch more medicine. And I would leave with more medicine than I came in. And, and things would get worse on the outside and then I would have another, you know, real, real crazy time, be afflicted, go back into the mental hospital even more wounded and messed up than the last time.

I remember one time right before they called the police or the 911 to get me to the hospital was, I was I just got done, like screaming at my parents pretty violently. I had went and I smashed all the dishes and glasses that we had in the cupboard. And in just sitting in the kitchen, I like took my shirt off, and I had started taking the glass that I broke, all the glasses, I started taking the glass from that and like cutting myself with it and like drilling it, with my hands into my into my own body into my chest. And then I had tried to eat the glass. And that was all just rage. That was just anger. That was all that was; it was anger. Yeah, it was just this crazy affliction. So there was a lot of that though, that was a pretty much daily thing. The screaming the smashing, the cutting myself, stabbing myself, threatening to murder my parents, doing really, really crazy stuff like that. That was a very daily occurrence, though it was like, I think the only times that it didn’t happen is if I was out doing drugs all day. And then I, I would come home high. And at that point, I wasn’t doing anything, any types of drugs that would really cause that type of behavior. I actually, I carried that behavior into my drug addiction. So I was behaving like this before the drugs really exacerbated it and made it worse. I mean, suicide threats were very common growing up for me. Freak outs were very common, screaming slamming doors, throwing things, wild stuff that was like a day-to-day life for me.

So I think at the very beginning, when I was a really young, young boy, I had a lot of insecurity. And that was like projected on other people. And as if like oh, well they will never accept me because I had longed acceptance and I hadn’t found it anywhere because I didn’t know Jesus yet and hadn’t been accepted by the love of God, I haven’t had an experience him accepting every single part of me just the way I am. So always thought I had to manufacture myself to appear as someone who’s already accepted so that I could get the same acceptance as them, which always led to me chasing something that I could never be. And so as a young boy growing up, I suffered a lot of rejection. The anger probably came in as a coping mechanism to defend myself against those, against the people that were rejecting me. If you know, if you’ll reject me, I can just you know, I can ignore these feelings if I just become angry at you, I can defend myself. So you know, bipolar, depression, that the bipolar, bipolar leads to, you know, drug addiction, drug addiction lead to schizophrenia. So I’m 20 – 21 years old at this point. I’m like, totally brain fried, I have brain damage. I have full blown schizophrenia. I can’t communicate in complete sentences anymore. I’ve totally lost that ability. I could talk for you know, a million years, but none of it would make sense and it’d be gibberish. So that’s where I kind of had my first real salvation experience when I was that brain dead. And at this point, my parents had reached out because it was kind of on my last limb. I was really reaching the end of my life span.

I had I’d gotten arrested for six felony possession charges about that year. So when I was 21, all on one arrest, I had six felonies on me. I ended up in the hospital, my parents were like, okay, we’re taking you to that rehab again, or, you know, we’re just not we’re not able to handle this anymore. We can’t, our family just can’t take the pain, we just can’t do it. And I was like, Okay, take me there. So I went to the rehab, and I was there at the rehab for about three weeks. I remember we would just worship in the morning. It was worship three times a day, reading the Bible, pretty much all day and then hard manual labor which was just what I needed. With the manual labor for character building and the worship for the encounter with Jesus and the Bible for getting the truth and renewing the mind. We had a mentor come in, every Wednesday, his name is Craig, he was an amazing, spirit-filled dude. Like, this guy was not like everybody else, he would walk in. And Holy Spirit was telling him everything. This dude was he was meeting every single need that I had when he showed up. Whatever I was confused about, he showed up. But he’s like, Oh, hey, uh, yeah, let’s talk about this today. Just answer every single question just demolishing the years and years of work of the enemy. That’s the crazy thing about what I had learned, the light of God was moving way faster than the darkness, to consume me. It was just instantaneous.

About week, three, three weeks in, you know, and we’re about more maybe about a month into my salvation now. Craig comes in and with his buddy Ray, we’re going to do inner healing and deliverance. I’m like, whatever Craig says, let’s do it!  You know, because this dude, he’s on it. Whatever he said, I was like, Yes, you know, because he brought life and freedom and it was blowing my mind. And so right off the bat, they start both Ray and Craig, we’re getting words of knowledge, where all that is, is Holy Spirit, who lives inside of them was just, letting them know what types of spirits I had. And so that they could deal with them and address them. It was just the most … Alright, spirit of depression. Yep. All the way out. Yep, in the name of Jesus. Yeah. I just felt this in my legs, would start to tense up and my legs would be shaking and kind of moving around and wiggle up to my my tummy and I’m wiggling kind of, involuntarily. I feel peace in my heart and my mind, I’m totally cool. But my body is all wiggly. I feel this energy like kind of going up into my chest and, and then my head gets filled with this energy and all of a sudden, I’d be like, whoooo and it would just leave my body, just like that. I would yawn sometimes. But most of these were just big exasperated sighs that started my toes, and wiggled of my body and came out my mouth, like, whoo…just come out. And then all of a sudden, I feel like peace like I’ve never felt before my entire life. And so it’s just three, it was it was two, three hours of just that. And the very end of it. What they did was Ray came up to me and he he placed his hand on my head. And he starts praying for healing. Just you know, commanded healing from heaven to happen in my physical brain for physical healing.

I told him, “You guys have done for me in three hours, what eight years of psychiatrists, hospitalizations, and psychiatric medicine could never do.”

I felt this electric tingle start right above my eyebrows. And it went, tingled all the way back. Like to the very, back of my brain, it just, it was inside my skull. And it was like this electric massage. It just went across my whole brain, I could feel it. And that was it. And then they sat down, Okay, cool. I remember talking to Ray and Craig, and we were having full conversations, like, how me and you would talk right now, Hey, how you doing? Yep, doing fine. You know, totally just processing what you’re saying in a normal way and responding in a full sentence. That’s how we were communicating. And their minds, their eyes are huge, they’re bugging out. I hadn’t really grasped the fullness of what just happened. Because I you know, when you’re crazy, you don’t really know it, you know, and when you do realize that you can’t hold on to it for too long, because it’s like too distressing. It just like crushes you, you know.

Yeah, when you’re crazy, you don’t want to think about you’re crazy, it’s just not a good feeling. And so I left and I remember walking out. And I just like, sat down in the hallway. And just listened to the silence in my brain. Because for the first time in my entire life, there was no, noise and chaos in my mind, dude. It was just total silence. It still is too if I just stopped talking for even a moment. It’s just just dead quiet up there. It’s awesome. It’s really cool. Before, it was like the bottom half of Niagara waterfalls mixed with a vacuum cleaner factory if all the vacuums turned on, and the static channel on the TV turned up really loud, all the same time jumbled up. After the three hour session, it was totally clear. And my eyes were totally normal.

When I went into the session, I was still taking my bipolar medicine, I had brain damage. And I had all the emotional extremities of bipolar disorder and all the confusion and symptoms of schizophrenia. After three hours of praying, calm prayer, just in the name of Jesus, real simple, casting out of demons from my body. And you know, they came out. I was totally normal. Like how I still am today is how I was after that session. And in three hours I walked in brain damage, bipolar schizophrenic, save it but still bipolar schizophrenic with brain damage. And then on the way out, I had no schizophrenia. no bipolar. I have never taken any medicine.

I don’t take bipolar medicines or schizophrenia medicine. And I’m just like, honestly, I’m like the healthiest dude ever. I’m totally, totally normal, you know, in the sense that my mind’s completely healed, I don’t have mood swings, I wake up, I could just, I’m just myself, like, I’m 100% like, that light that filled my body when I first got saved, it never got it never got. It’s still there. You know, it’s not like it lost its ground, still filled with light. And now after the deliverance, my mind’s completely clear.

It’s just quiet up there. And it’s really awesome. So at the end, I remember walking up to Ray, and looking him in the eyes. And this is after a full day of just listening to the silence in my head. And I told him, “You guys have done for me in three hours, what eight years of psychiatrists, hospitalizations, and psychiatric medicine could never do.” And since that day, I’ve been coasting on the peace of God and the joy of the Lord. I have not been the same since.

After that, like, that really allowed me that really seriously, like, catapulted my next seven months, because I spent seven months at that facility. And so having been completely freed in my mind, and in my soul, from demonic oppression, and now having a healed brain, I was able to read my Bible, I couldn’t read before. I was able to like, cognitively have relations with people. I could speak, communicate. So my relationship with, with the clarity that I had in my mind, and now the connection by the Holy Spirit that we all have available to us into my heart. And with my newfound love for reading, which I had as a kid, but I lost it. I rediscovered my love for reading. It was just seven months of learning about the nature and the love of God through Scripture, being completely transformed by eating it up, like waking up to bedtime. I’m just reading the Bible eating it up, like taking it, you know, to work when we were working on the property, like finding times to sneak off, getting all my work done early so I could read the Bible, and just growing in my relationship and fellowship with God. Communicating with the Holy Spirit and just getting revelation from him and talking to him and cultivating that relationship. It’s, Jesus is the spirit that rules in my life. Well, His Holy Spirit, Holy Spirit is the Spirit that rules in my life, and he is Lord of my life. And I found my identity in him. And he’s came and made home inside of me. And so now instead of leaving the effects of those other spirits, which will never ever true part of my identity, Everywhere I go, now I leave the effects of what I was always meant to leave. Everywhere I go, trails of joy, peace, I don’t have to try hard. Nobody does.

If Jesus lives inside of you, just like surrender to who he created you to be and what he’s trying to do in you, which is to fill you with His Spirit, which is joy and peace and love and kindness and gentleness, and you just, patience, self control. And you would just leave that type of impact everywhere you go. And that trail of goodness. God’s love, is transforming people in really supernatural ways through everyday people everywhere they go,  it’s just where it’s, that’s who we were always made to represent. And that’s the type of trail we were always made to leave.

I think a lot of the the lack of peace, the anxieties, and the restlessness that I had as like a younger boy. Oh, man, I feel like I’m like a young boy again. I just remember being a little kid and, I feel exactly like that little kid, except for this time. It’s like it’s happened in the way it was always meant to be. I’m a little kid in his presence.

You know, every single time I come to him, he just makes me feel like a child again. And I don’t feel like I missed anything. Like there’s not a single thing in my life that I feel like I missed out on because when I come to him now, what I find in him is so fulfilling, it makes it, would make up for a million lifetimes of bipolar and schizophrenia. Just one day in his presence would make up for a million lifetimes of affliction.

Latest Stories

A Friend of Jesus

King of all kings, the King of the universe, has given us an invitation to sit on the front row, center stage, and watch what He's doing. He loves, touches, and changes people's lives.

A Really Big Yes

We've given our lives so we're just bound for whatever He wants to do and just that season was so much of the Holy Spirit just doing, just showing up, and I'm kind of just thinking, you know, [...]

A Step of Faith is a Step of Faith

There has been uncertainty, there has been apprehensions and fears; all of that were there for sure. But it was with breathless expectation of God showing up and doing something marvelous and we [...]

A Vision Revealed. A Waitress Consoled.

He loves all of us like that! I thought about it I bet she's been crying out for years thinking her prayers aren't getting any higher than the ceiling because nothing's changing. Then some random [...]

An Answer to Anxiety.

I did not want the Lord. All I was wanting was to get this anxiousness out of me. This was bad this was really bad anxiety. I was asking the Lord to help me. He came in and He gave me life. I was [...]

An Impossible Conception

to know that if you have a word from God, to stand on it, to stand on His faithfulness, even when your family, your friends, your closest allies are telling you to give up. Don't give up, [...]

An Intimate Vision

I could read a love letter for 25 years. Or I could sit down across from my loved one and hold her hand and look into her eyes. And I could do more in five minutes than I did in 25 years reading [...]

An Order to Prophecy

I am not what I would consider someone that is a prophet or acts in the prophetic on like a regular basis. I'd say I'm mildly aware of when the Holy Spirit wants to do something, or when I hear [...]

Break Through

"I don't really have an explanation. Every time I've seen something like this, which is, which is pretty often, someone's either a vegetable, paralyzed, or dead. And you don't even have a [...]

Co-Laboring In Love

You get all walks of life through your chair. "Jesus is changing the world through the hair salon." You know? That's what I see. That's how I see. So I'm like, "Come on!" It's my little church. [...]

Courageously Weird

"Okay, I know this might be like, the craziest service call you've ever had. But I've just been practicing or just learning how to listen to the Lord, and I feel like maybe he might have told me [...]

Daily Desperate Dependence 1/2

I began connecting with the Holy Spirit, but I didn't really know that that's what I was doing, but I began to have a sensitive spirit. So what began to take place was a marriage of the Word [...]

Daily Desperate Dependence 2/2

When we recognize “I’m desperately dependent upon the Lord every day” as opposed to “I need you from a distance. I need you some, or I can put on a show as if I need you, but don’t really need [...]

Dance with Me

And so I just leaned my head forward. And for a moment, I felt like there was a chest that I was really putting my head on, and I just danced with Jesus and cried and experienced something with [...]

Dreams. A Glimpse of the Father’s Love.

I realized all those things that I dreamt about, that those were gifts that He gave me. Gifts. Just like a glimpse of His power for me and His love for me. That He loved me so much that even [...]

Facing Mental Affliction

He's such a beautiful man. He's not intimidated. He just cares so much about you that it's like what you're doing that goes like that's that's harmful or negative or destructive, like it's almost [...]

Father to the Fatherless

There was this void in my life, right? This void of love, this void of acceptance, void of attention, void of affirmation, and I tried my hardest to find those things. I believe that those are [...]

Freedom Behind Bars 1/2

"Unshackle him, release him from his chains. He's a free man!" And the sheriff's coming over and I can hear the sheriff telling my sister behind me. "Hold on, Mary, Hold on. Hold on." And she [...]

Freedom Behind Bars 2/2

So he pulls out the check from the envelope and he holds a check to me. And my eyes are like, big as saucers. And I'm like, looking at this check with zeros. Like, I'm counting, like looking at [...]

Give Jesus a Try

I had constant suicidal thoughts, like, on the regular, I always thought about wanting to kill myself, because I never thought I was ever good enough. And I always thought that, and I found all [...]

God Has the Final Say…Not Cancer

There's just no, no two ways about it. I mean, even the doctors are like, "You're a miracle." The doctors---I still will go in and have them check my blood and check my hemoglobin and numbers and [...]

Going All In

"When I was born on May 4, 2012, I was already fighting for my life. Just like everyone here, God had a purpose for my life. After spending three weeks in the NICU at birth, I finally came home [...]

Hal-Le-Lu-Jah

He's crying and screaming, you know? But nothing came out. Like, no sounds were coming out. I wasn't prepared for that. I had no idea what that was going to be like. We had no idea that it would [...]

Healing in Unbelief 1/2

If I could teach anybody, anything, [it would be] the simplicity of what Jesus paid. Look, His body was broken so that we don't have to be broken, period. Not in our finances, not in our [...]

Healing in Unbelief 2 of 2

I am now 10 years past my anniversary. I was healed on March 19th 2009. I just passed my 10th anniversary on this past year. And what I've come to know, is the God that does heal miraculously and [...]

Hearing God’s Voice

I can't hear your voice like, where are you at in all of this? I cannot hear your voice. Make this make sense God. I had like, these pill bottles from my surgery. I'm just going to do it, no [...]

Heart for the Homeless

If I'm talking to you, and you’ve come out of prison, and you've been in there for murder, I don't see you that way. I can't see you...I can't comprehend it. It's not there for me. People say, [...]

I Give You My Life

When I said those words, "God, I give you my life," I felt this presence of Jesus Christ coming into my living room. And the next thing I know, and I can't even comprehend this, how this could [...]

In Need of the Gospel

"Why are you sitting idle right now? There are people that are, that are confused, and they're caught up in a lifestyle. And all we're doing is yelling at them telling them to change their [...]

Inmates Pray. Cancer Healed.

The doctor walks in and he says, “Mr. Edson, I don't know how to explain this, but there is no cancer in this biopsy.” Immediately, I showed them a band that I wear around my wrist that says, [...]

Knit Together

"I'm not a believing man. I don't know if I necessarily believe in God. But," he said, "I can't explain why the cysts were there three days ago when we were meeting and why they're not there [...]

Light in the Darkness

I will never be able to fully comprehend what happened that night. But what I can tell you is that I have never felt so much love, and so much grace, like I did in that moment.

Not Ashamed

I realized, yeah, God loves his daughters who are caught in the sex trade. And God who loves the men that are selling, and God loves the men that are purchasing, like, every single one of them [...]

Power of Prayer in the Storm of Addiction.

Just over and over again, when I would get in a bad place, [I would say] “God who is my daughter? Who is my daughter?” And I would declare it; “She's a princess warrior. She is God's Angel. She [...]

Precious Pain

I sensed God telling me, "You want to know what that means.? You know, this is just a little glimpse of the pain that I went through." And I actually experienced a little bit of what Jesus went [...]

Provision for the Journey

We sold all our stuff, which was such a fun cleansing process. To get rid of excess, and get rid of things that we absolutely did not need and are taking up space, we moved into a 29-foot trailer [...]

Purposefully Homeless

I wasn't raised this kind of understanding of faith. I'm like, oh my gosh, I gotta go after this thing. There's so much more. I want more. And if there's more of Jesus, I want all of Him I can have.

Radical Love Extravagant Provision

I want to walk in radical love and radical obedience and radical gratitude and radical humility and I think that equals the favor of God and and he's so faithful to just provide.

Raise My Son

"When my Word is spoken, it does not return void. I raised your son." It was just in that moment, where you have the medical data that shows you, you witnessed firsthand the miracle. And God [...]

Reclaiming the Past

I think when my sister died, that was kind of a tipping point [for] me to question everything. Like, I don't have anything to believe in. So now what? So I think now the hope, the expectation, is [...]

Reconciling Race

I didn't think he hated me, because of the color of my skin. I think he was scared of me. I think he was scared of his perception becoming a reality with his daughter. And I think I was able to [...]

Resource Room of Heaven

"Sometimes the kingdom is upside down and backwards, and it doesn't make any sense. We don't have a grid for it, but if we learn to trust him and let him fight our battles for us and not hustle [...]

Running With The Gospel

This describes who you are. And what I've called you to do on this earth." God was speaking to my identity, more than what I would do for him, he was trying to show me who who I am in him. When a [...]

The Father’s House

When we transition to I am his child, and he is my father, something shifts, something changes, because then we're able to receive the revelation. He's my father, he takes care of us, you know, [...]

The Height of Grace in the depths…

God is so tender, so merciful, so ready to forgive, so ready to meet us with compassion and love and gentleness and forgiveness, that if we had any idea, in the midst of our sin, that He was like [...]

The Risk of Faith

For me, it's all about Jesus. It's all about Him crucified on the cross. It's all about what He did for me. It's all about celebrating Him; loving God with all your heart, mind, and soul. And you [...]

The Story Behind The Unseen Story

His love surpasses knowledge; it's a peace that surpasses understanding. That means it's beyond, what God does, has to be beyond our intellect. If we can understand God, then we would be God.

Through the Wilderness

"Josh, I'm taking you home tonight." And I thought back, "Who is this?" The reply was, "This is Jesus." Clear as day and just as clear as the Holy Spirit spoke to me, Jesus spoke to me. In that [...]

Two Words from a Stranger…

“Okay, well, does, the name Monica mean anything to you?” And when I said that he like froze, his eyes got really big and you could see them starting to water a bit and then I said, “and [...]

Unbelievable Expectations

Does that mean that I was saved? I lived like hell for 45 years after that. So does that mean that I was saved? I don't know. I got to the point where I was I was drinking, you know, five double [...]

Unraveling Addiction, Restoring a Marriage

It wasn't until we deconstructed everything on the outside and let God rebuild from the inside that I became comfortable in my own skin. There's a systematic replacement of lies that you believe [...]

When All Seems Lost

Within a matter of three days, I lost nearly three quarters of a million dollars. And it just, I don't say suicide watch lightly. I was incredibly depressed. I thought God was going to bless me. [...]

When Heaven and Earth Collide

I really believe that God speaks in dreams. He's spoken to me many times through dreams. And I really value that. I took my journal and immediately started writing everything that I saw in this [...]

Whoa, God is Here!

As he's telling the story, every mouth, just about every mouth in the room dropped open, including mine, and at the very end he said, "I have nightmares often about that game still." So we [...]

Your Life Is Not Your Own

"I was going to end my life today and go be with my son and my parents." I said, "Rosie, you won't do that. Your life, your life doesn't belong to you." and, "If you don't want it, why don't you [...]

Send this to a friend

Hi, this story is AMAZING! Please take a moment to listen: Facing Mental Affliction!
link: https://theunseenstory.org/stories-posts/facing-mental-affliction/